Every text is a small act of alchemy.
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№ 22
A Hundred Introductions, Disgrace, and Somebody Else’s Ass
I was afraid of people. Not “shy.” Not “awkward.” Afraid. Like a kid who’s waiting for someone to start yelling any second. Because my parents yelled. When I was little, Mom shouted all the time, with or without a…
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№ 21
Whisky and Cat Milk
I decided to milk my cat. I was 8 years old. I’d seen people milk cows, goats, sheep — so why not a cat? She had recently given birth to 4 kittens and fed them milk all day long. I wanted to try cat milk. The kittens…
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№ 20
Batman in Mytishchi
I was renting an apartment in Mytishchi. A neighbour lived above me. I felt a ferocious hatred for him. I got up at 7 a.m. and commuted to work from Mytishchi to Moscow. Rattled along in the suburban train. And the…
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№ 19
A Wild Childhood
When I was 16, I attacked a brown bear in the forest and grabbed it by the nose. Pure idiocy and courage. What else would you call it? When I say that, people give me funny looks. So I have to say instead that a bear…
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№ 18
Eureka, What an Erection You Have!
I don't sleep before performances. I pace around the flat all night repeating my lines. I fall asleep around dawn. And then I forget everything anyway. Naturally, I do my best to avoid them at all costs. But once I had…
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№ 15
Dad's Sweater, Glasses and Woody Allen
When I was about 12, I was into Woody Allen's style. The glasses, the knitted sweater — the whole deal. I can't say I'd actually watched his films. It was more that ironic image in itself. Everybody knew about it, even…
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№ 14
Grandpa Fell Off the Log
At summer camp, when I was about ten, there was an evening talent show. They lit a bonfire. There weren't enough benches and chairs for everyone, so they laid out logs. The parents came. The kids were supposed to…
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№ 12
Money Grows on Trees
Money grows on trees. Seriously. This world is full of ways to earn it. But people sit on a sack of treasure and can't get it open. I know, because I sat like that myself. I grew up in a family where money was…
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№ 11
I Sang Off-Key. On Purpose.
I was terrified of every kind of public appearance — concerts, lectures, anything where I had to walk onto a stage alone and stand in front of a full room. Everybody's staring at you. Sheer horror. But one day my voice…
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№ 10
I Wrote Nasty Comments. And I Loved It.
I was the one who wrote “well, I see it differently” under every post. I couldn't just scroll past. I had to prove I was right. Always. Everywhere. At any cost. Even an ordinary conversation made me tense. I didn't…
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№ 09
Sulking Like a Bear with a Sore Head
I took offense at my parents. At my professors at uni. At my friends. And if there was no reason — I'd find one. I could pick a fight with the gray sky. With the crappy little drizzle. With everything. I loved being…
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№ 08
The Detective, the Unconscious and the Concierge
There's a concierge in the building where I live. A pleasant woman. Friendly. Wishes you a good day. Looks after the flowers. And every time I see her, everything inside me clenches. Drops. Gurgles. Cramps up in my…
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№ 07
Cultivating One's Garden
A human being is a likeness of God, only a small one, so instead of creating worlds, they can create themselves. To cultivate one's own garden, so to speak. It is each person's own responsibility to take their life into…
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№ 06
The Great Work
Nigredo, Albedo, Rubedo In alchemy, the Great Work (magnum opus) isn't about gold. It's about the human being. It is the process of fully unfolding one's abilities, gaining power over fate, freeing the will. The alchemists projected inner…
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№ 05
What would you call your work?
Public psychoanalysis — What would you call your work? — Public psychoanalysis. And it's not a pose or a textbook term. It's my life. I take myself apart piece by piece: what in me is mine, and what is the family program poured into me…
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№ 04
What's the Meaning of Life?
A year ago I asked myself: what's the point? Not “why do I live.” But “why the hell do I live like this.” The aim of life is self-development. To realise one's nature perfectly — that is what each of us is here for…
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№ 03
How Do You Let Go of the Past?
Live and keep your peace. Spring will come, and the flowers will bloom by themselves. — Chinese wisdom Everything happens in its own time. But this isn't about peace. It's about being tied. By invisible threads. To the…
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№ 02
Tales of Koschei the Deathless as a Myth of the Creation of the World
As some psychologists like to repeat, the unconscious is the religious. One could say that for a person living in a desacralised society, religion becomes "unconscious": it rests in the deepest layers of their being…
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№ 01
Baba Yaga — the Ancient Goddess Who Tests the Hero
or how to gain sacred knowledge? The image of Baba Yaga has been widely popularised: a hunchbacked old woman with a bone leg and an iron tooth who lives in a hut on chicken legs deep in a dense forest, “sits on the stove, on the ninth brick,” and…
