Sulking Like a Bear with a Sore Head

I took offense at my parents. At my professors at uni. At my friends. And if there was no reason — I'd find one. I could pick a fight with the gray sky. With the crappy little drizzle. With everything.

I loved being offended. It feels so good when you can say: “This is all your fault.” And then do nothing. Feel sorry for yourself. Blame everyone around you. Sit there sulking.

I knew resentment was a way of getting pleasure. But I couldn't help myself. It was a habit. And breaking a habit is hard. Hard as hell.

One day I decided to test it: can you live without resentment? Just out of curiosity. I wanted to feel something different. Instead of spending my whole life in a huff.

I thought I felt emotions because of events. But I realized: I create events so I can live through my usual emotions. Automatically. Unconsciously.

I decided to train. To feel joy. Even over little things. To notice the good in others. I want to have the power to decide how I react to events. I'm the cause. Not the effect.

Now every day I look for something pleasant in people. I give compliments just because. And I see how many wonderful, talented people there are around me.

What's changed? Everything. I enjoy the little things. No weather can spoil my mood. I find joy in the rain and in the sun.

I get it now: resentment is a lack of resources. When you're low on energy, out of strength — you want to take offense. But the problem is inside. You need to find sources of joy. Of fullness. Do what you love. Get your life in order.

I'm becoming freer.

Once upon a time we were taught to take offense. By our parents. In childhood. But now we're adults. And it's in our power to unlearn it.

You think this is only about me? No. It's about you too. You take offense too. Or used to. Or you're afraid to admit you're still hurt. At your mother. At your father. At everyone who didn't give you what you were waiting for. But that was then. And now — you're an adult. And you can choose: keep nursing the grudge or unlearn it. I made my choice. And I feel lighter.